Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Wednesday evening

So much of my life as a mother is sorting out when to step in, and when to give them room. In the morning I say goodbye to Cal a few feet shy of the classroom door, as he now wants to do, or at least wants to this week, and I’m there to walk him the whole way, should he so desire it.

I still carry him when he’s upset, or tired to the breaking point, to the car after school, up the stairs to bed in the evening, and I feel him become completely calm. I cannot imagine greater satisfaction.

Just before dinner, Abbott wanted to explore the woods around the house. I worried – would he get too far away and not be able to make it back before dark? And gave my permission. He verbally mapped out the woods over dinner, and I was invited to join him next time.

One of my strongest wishes has always been for them to feel like they can express themselves freely to me. I’ve cultivated the phrase, ‘in my opinion’. This week, ‘why’ is killing me. Even so, I’m glad they say it, and will sometimes answer, and sometimes it will be left at ‘because I said so’.

I hope they will always remember the freedom and the pulling close.

11 comments:

Denise | Chez Danisse said...

What they'll probably remember most is the feeling that you loved and cared about them enough to give thought to these things.

beth lehman said...

I love that my kids can do some exploring on their own - I remember the feeling of independence that gave me when I was growing up. I suspect your children will remember the calm and steady presence that you are - and your fierce love of them. As always, your photos and words are like nourishment to me!

Tracy said...

There is a certain magic to your words.

KPiep said...

And this post is why you are one of my parenting heros tht I look to for calm wisdom!

Darcy said...

I love those two pictures together - the combination is stunning. i spend a lot of time saying "in my opinion", it drives freya crazy because she always wants black and white answers. but i can only tell her what i know.

robyn said...

This was an absolutely perfect start to my day. The second paragraph brought almost brought tears - so true.

country girl said...

I love it when you share pieces of your journey in motherhood so much.
xo

chai ling said...

i am not a mother myself yet but i like this post of yours today.

your thought, feeling, experience and your words are real. this is not something we could read from any parenting guides out there in the store.

heart your photos, always :)

Karen said...

The freedom always seems to be the harder one for me...

Francesca said...

Isn't it true?
Beautifully written, Lecia.

Nicola said...

Beautiful, Lecia. I feel it, too, the pulling away, the snuggling close. The growing away has most recently happened in a leap for both. I worry that I will be struggling to keep up with the changes. I want to be on pace with mine, to be there when I am needed and respect that they are growing into themselves, just as I have hoped they would do. It tugs just a little.