Wednesday, July 18, 2012

a decade later





When I was pregnant with Abbott, I had abstract, daydreamy thoughts about parenthood that involved a cuddly, soft, sweet-smelling baby who behaved like a cross between a miniature roommate and a teddy bear. These dreams included images of Alexi and I smiling at each other, holding hands in a relaxed fashion, feeling even more like a family. We prepared for, and anticipated, Abbott's birth in many ways, but our lives, individually, and our collective life completely, permanently changed in ways we could never have foreseen. A decade into parenting, Alexi and I have learned many, many things about ourselves and each other, lost years of sleep, gotten pushed to our limits of patience over and over again, and have experienced more joy than we ever imagined possible.

Last weekend, both of our boys had a sleepover - Cal's first - and we were alone at home for the first time in ten years. We spend time alone together with some regularity on date nights, and we've had a few minivacations together, but alone at home was something new. We went out to dinner and then returned to an empty house that felt ridiculously big. I was keenly aware of the stillness as I walked up the flights of stairs to bed. I noticed Alexi in a new way; in an old, familiar, nearly forgotten way. It was easy to be a good listener. His face looked different to me as we sat and talked. I felt my muscles and my demeanor relax, and my breathing slowed.

5 comments:

Denise | Chez Danisse said...

Beautiful...

Katherine @ eggton said...

What Denise said.

Darcy said...

a few weeks ago we went on our first week long vacation without the kids, it was so odd how quiet everything seemed and how much the pace of our days changed. it was also so wonderful to know we still had so much to talk about and so much to share.

Francesca said...

perfect.

un arc en ciel dans le lavabo said...

you describe this so well.
i've had only 3 date nights with my husband of 20 years since L. was born, and when she started sleepovers, i felt all this. exactly.